How Many Ways 4-3-09

On just how many levels could I be offended by two Kirby sales ladies? Let me count the ways. On Tuesday I was dealing with a discipline issue with my oldest (and simultaneously laying my youngest down for a nap) when someone knocked on my door. After instructing Landon that I would be right back (and not to move or his name would be mud...remember, discipline issue), I ran out to answer the door. The lady there basically threw a role of paper towels and orange wipes? into my arms and literally, I kid you not...pushed her way into my home before I even knew what was going on. Once I figured it out, I told her that I was laying my kids down for a nap and absolutely could not purchase a vacuum today. I will save you every single detail of this sordid story. But TWO HOURS later, the stupid lady tried to tell me (and I wish I were kidding here) that I was a bad mother because I let my children play in our horribly disgusting dust mite covered carpets that I dared to vacuum with (Shock of all shocks) a...DYSON! Seriously, she said that because I wasn't willing to pay $30 a month for her Kirby (for years and years and years) that I was raising sick children. Never you mind that two hours AFTER this lady left, my house still reaked like smoke and alcohol (she smelled that bad!). There is more...but I am going to suffice to say that never...not ever...I don't care how rude I have to be, will another Kirby person step foot in this house. I was as forthright as I have ever been with anyone, with this woman. And still she managed to get into my house. I said at least four different times, "I don't know how you want me to slice this pie for you...I CAN'T BUY YOUR VACUUM RIGHT NOW, I DON'T HAVE THE MONEY!!!!" Yes, by the fourth time, I was speaking in a louder tone of voice. I was raging mad inside. I thought I was over it, but now thinking about it again...the whole thing...I am fiery mad again. She was the absolute worst sales woman I have ever met in my life...and she tried to tell me I am unhealthy for using a Dyson when clearly, she smokes at least a pack a day. Puuulllleaassseee!!!

Work went well this week. I have a very full schedule these days...so full that I kind of feel like I can't keep up on it all. The stories and names of family members are starting to swirl together...good thing for notes. But it is going well and I am still enjoying it (mostly). I am learning a lot about myself and being moved out of my own complacency in a lot of areas of my life, which is always a good thing...but rarely an easy thing.

My half sister Mallory had a beautiful baby girl two weeks ago, Vaida Jade. I have yet to meet my niece as Mallory has been in and out of he hospital. She had the worst labor story I have ever heard (ended in a c-section in which they had to cut her TWICE...top and bottom of the abdomen!) and a five day stay in the hospital and then she was home for a few days and then back to the hospital as she had undiagnosed preeclampsia. She just got out again, but she is a single mama and is struggling with finding support. I have offered myself and anything and everything that I have as I desperately want someone to take care of this girl, for once in her life. But at this point don't know if she will accept. Will you please pray for Mallory...for healing (the poor girl is in a lot of pain AND is not feeling well with the effects of the undiagnosed preeclampsia thing ...her liver and kidney functions have been affected). Pray for enocuragement and wisdom beyond her years...maturity and strength and grace and people...friends and family... to for once, selflessly love this girl. I long for her to be taken care of right now...I long to take care of her (I have invited her to come live here for a little while, but I really dont know what she will say). You guys know what it is like to have a baby...now imagine being 18 and without any support system and the problems I just mentioned. Thanks friends...I knew I could count on you.

And my husband. He had a rough day yesterday...not the death of a dream...but a big blow to it. He is up and at it again today...holding onto hope and persevering. Somedays, like today...I just am overwhelmed with how cruel and manipulative people can be. How, in their own pursuit of money or fame or success...will not bat an eyelash at verbally destroying someone's dream without an ounce of empathy. Somedays...like today...I struggle with hating people I dont even know...hating what they do and how they do it...and wishing I could give them a piece of my mind. I would shake them and ask the age old question, "What are you thinking?!?!" Some people are stuck so deeply in the mire of pride and selfishness that they can see no one and nothing aside from themselves. But it is all of us who suffer in their tread. And we do suffer...but in the darkness of the night, I know those kinds of people have to feel something...something akin to guilt...something akin to loneliness. So please pray for my husband...for encouragement and wisdom beyond his age. We have some serious decisions to make, and Jonathan is giving his all to weigh all options, to honor me and his children and his God. But he was chewed up and spit out yesterday...and we are feeling those wounds. And I am feeling like I want to strangle the man who did it.

Thanks friends. Wow...that was heavy. Happy...er...Peaceful weekend to you all!

P.S. If you look really closely at the pics of the boys playing on the carpet, you may just spot some of those unhealthy dust mites left over from my Dyson

Crazy Boys 3-27-09

We are back from our short little jaunt to Great Wolf Lodge in Traverse City! We went last year, and Landon loved it so (Noah, was absolutely terrified of the waterpark last year), and the same friend who got me an awesome promo code last year did the same this year (gotta love xanga friends!). So off we went on our merry way, just in time before the code expired (on the 26th). Unlike last year, Noah absolutely loved the water. He went down every slide his little baby body could, and did it over and over and over and over. He would climb the stairs, go down the slide, again and again. Pretty precious. Landon loved it too...just like last year. This year his favorite things were the tube slides and the giant snake that he could climb on in the pool. We had a lovely time together as a family of 4, focusing on eachother and building wonderful memories for our children. I highly recommend this place for kids...it is awesome. We got home Wednesday evening and I was off to work Thursday morning...and here I am today!

Other exciting news: Noah's vocabulary has exploded seemingly overnight. He is stringing words together to form sentences and can call almost anything by name. Albeit, his words are a little difficult to decipher, but as his mama, I know what he is saying...and Landon is an expert decipherer (not sure that is a word, but you know what I mean). I love this stage because his words come out so cute and he is so proud when he says something new. Today he said a word that I don't recall necessarily teaching him, which just clarifies how much kids really are sponges. They just soak up their environment. We are teaching, even when we are just living. That has so many ramifications, the least of which is new words.

Also, Noah is obsessed with "going potty." I find him, numerous times a day, in the bathroom with his diaper in the trash and his pants in the hallway, standing at the potty "going potty." Thankfully, nothing is coming out because he isn't quite tall enough to stand as his potty parts are below the lip of the toilet and any pee that would come out would hit the outside of the toilet bowl and go all over my bathroom. He really thinks he is going potty. He will have nothing to do with sitting, and he doesn't get how to push pee out. So he isn't ready to potty train (I don't think he is, but I guess I am not totally sure...opinions are welcome here). I didn't go through this with Landon, but he didn't have a big brother to watch pee numerous time a day. I think Noah just wants to stand like his brother and daddy.

And finally...something cute about Landon. He was outside playing on the side of our house with his two friends this afternoon and I was in our master bathroom (that is so unfitting a name for that room...anyway...). I was playing monster with Noah and roaring super loud (we do this all the time...do any of you do this?). Well, I happened to hear the big kids outside say, "What was that." and I peaked out only to see them wide eyed and petrified...and then take off on a dead run. Being the super mean person that I am, when I saw them venture back over there, I did it again (HAHAHA!!!). Same result. I eventually caved and told them it was me as their little imaginations were running absolutely wild. I didn't think that I was such a practical joker...but alas, I guess that I am.

Spring Has Sprung...For a Few Days 3-18-09

Spring has sprung here...for a few days at least. The weekend was gorgeous...and we spent a lot of time playing outside...every waking moment to be exact (we even grilled for the first time...turkey burgers!). Today was no different...we spent EVERY moment of the day outside. We went on a hike with our neighbors and Landon and Noah played with friends the rest of the day. We even had an outdoor picnic. Rumor has it that tomorrow is promising to be even warmer. I have to help in Landon's class in the morning...but after that...we will be outside. Rumor also has it that Wednesday will bring back the 40's...so we are going to try to milk every moment of tomorrow for what it is worth. I love the smell of spring and the feel of the warm sunshine on my face. I love to hear my children laughing while they run as fast as their little legs will carry them.

I am feeling rather behind in every other area of my life, since I have been spending so much time outside. But oh well...I will make it all up eventually. Noah is so much easier than last year...he basically just follows Landon and his friends around...trying to do whatever they do. Last year I had to be on top of Noah to be sure he wouldn't fall or put rocks in his mouth or whatever. This year he is so very much more independent. And yet he is still my baby...afraid of loud trucks and wanting snuggles quite often. When I ask him to give me a hug or kiss he grabs my head and pulls it down to his as hard as he can. I can feel his pudgy little fingers at my hairline, sometimes he plays with my curls. I love that boy...

And Landon has gotten a little sunburn on his nose the past two days. He looks so much healthier with a little color in his face. As I said, I have to help in his class tomorrow which means that he is the special helper. Remember in the fall how he got to bring Clarabel the Cow home...well, this time it was Patsy the Pig. And the same thing has happened...although not quite to the same extent. He has carried that thing all over with him and he is already sad about saying goodbye to her in the morning. Oh well...nothing a beautiful day can't cure. I do so love his tender heart though.

Ok, here are a few pictures of our days lately (I know Landon looks r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s, but he was so excited to wear shorts and crocs; I made him wear socks with the crocs bc it is still cool here...in some odd way I think he looks so ridiculous that it is terribly cute).

Thanks again friends for your sweet rejoicing and comments on my last post!

Humility In Action 3-8-09

I have been planning this post for days…almost a week already. And yet each day passes and there just isn’t the time to sit and spew it all out. Or rather, by the time that I do have a few moments of quiet, I am too exhausted to even pick up the computer. So here I sit on a rainy Sunday afternoon, piecing together my thoughts from this week. This post has really evolved with the events of each day, perhaps that is why I have been putting it off. My heart is so full, I really don’t know where to start.

On Wednesday evenings I am leading a study with my girls at the group home. We are studying Dan Allendar’s book To Be Told. Last week we took a look at a chapter concerning our future; our dreams, desires, goals and how our past affect our future. Allendar states that, “We are called to see the past as given and the future as unmade and aching to be written…God has written me to be fully responsible for my story.” Here is the sentence I loved the most from this particular chapter: “God births dreams inside of us and then allows the desire to move us; it is in the pursuit of our dreams that we encounter tragedy and meet the deeper desires that only loss and heartache can reveal.” So, let me play this out for you in an example, a real life example that happened just this week. Jonathan has been tirelessly witnessing to two of his coworkers for many, many months. These two men are good friends of Jon’s, and he really wants to see them understand Truth and Grace in the form of Jesus Christ. Jonathan has built a relationship with these men, and when they do get into discussion about these issues, Jon’s heart is always so heavy when he comes home because no matter how many times he talked to them or how close (or far away) they seemed, they were never willing or even slightly desirous of making true life change. Jon’s dream was to lead these men to the Lord. But every time he would send the Word out and it would come back with nothing tangible at all, he would feel disappointed and eventually, disheartened. His dream caused him to pursue action which in turn revealed the depth of Jonathan’s heart for his friends. If you had been in our home, you would see how very much he desires for them to come to relationship. The dream prompted action, which lead to pain and questioning, which ultimately lead to greater perseverance, renewed hope and a much greater understanding of how God’s ways are not our own. Last night Jonathan and I took the boys out for pizza and ice cream (we were stir crazy and needed to get out of the house). On our way from the pizza place to the ice cream store, Jon got a call from his coworker friend who asked him if he could meet him later in the evening. Jon asked if it could wait until today since we had a family night planned (at this point he didn't know why the guy wanted to meet with him). On our way out of the ice cream store the coworker called back and told Jon he really needed to talk to him and Jon and I were also feeling an urgency in this matter. So we changed things around just a little and Jonathan went to talk to his friend. And I am so very thrilled to tell you that last night, we welcomed another brother into the family of God. Today we took Jeff along with us to church. Jon’s best friend and coworker made a decision last night that he needed and was ready to commit his life to following and loving Jesus Christ. Praise the Lord! Christianity is so much more than rules and beliefs. It is relationship and peace and joy and love and family.

Counseling has really caused me to deepen my understanding of Christianity and sin and grace and love. Every week someone sits in my office and invites me into the private places of their lives. My view of Christianity is being stretched and my desire for Truth is becoming ever more voracious. But I am saddened by the number of people that lack true Hope and Meaning and Purpose in their lives. It is very difficult to help people piece their lives together (especially marriages) without a true understanding and a desire that promotes actions that are not always pleasing to our human nature. God’s ways are always best, but often we have to do things like forgive, love in the absence of reward, respect even when disrespected, etc. These things are not easy. In the throes of relational difficulty, they are the last things you feel like doing. But ultimately they are necessary. Hearts are not easily changed and emotion is so deceitful. I myself am victim of this. I feel God calling me to humble myself, in more ways than one. Yet my stubborn pride wants to mire in the filth of bitterness and unforgiveness. This place is a mirage of comfort. I know that. It is the antithesis of peace. But it is so difficult to move .Because I did not cause the pain…I was victim of it. But there you have it my friends…I am not responsible for what happens to me. BUT I am solely responsible for what I do with it. Do I want to stay in the mire of deceit and lick my wounds with bandaids of unforgiveness or am I willing to trust God that His promise of abundant life and His example of love and forgiveness (despite mounds of rejection from us humans) is enough for me? Will I stay here in my unforgiveness where it is safe and comfortable and humanly speaking, feels good? Or will I humble myself and experience the kind of personal transformation that we all dream about as we watch it unfold in the storybooks? You see, if we want a life full or reward, we must be willing to take the risk.

James 4:6-8, 10
6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." 7 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

Officer Hunsberger Dares to Dream 3-2-09

Officer Hunsberger Dares to Dream

We have had lots of pretending going on around here. Last month Landon's class did a unit on careers. On Friday he had to decide what he thinks he may want to be when he grows up and then dress up in that attire (without any full out costumes...which we didn't have anyway, unless a singing chicken counts). So anyway, Landon decided he wanted to be a police officer and he was ubber excited about it. Which for Landon to be excited about school is earth shattering in the first place, so I was stoked. So I got him oufitted in his get up and his favorite part was that he got to take a pen and "tickets." He wanted to ticket any of his friends that did or said naughty things at school that day. I played along and told him that he could, but to do so nicely and not to force a ticket on a kid who didn't want one. So to clarify Landon says to me, "So mom, if Ezekiel says (insert proper term for male appendage) can I give him a ticket?" He is completely stone faced and serious...and I am dying inside, and outside, so I admit, I started outright laughing. The conversation these two boys had previously had which spawned this question came spilling out and had me laughing even harder. Landon gave out 4 tickets that day...one to a kid who said he was gonna pull someone's teeth out, one to a kid who just wanted one, one to a kid who pushed someone and one to his teacher who told a joke that Landon didn't find funny (which apparently is some sort of crime). Actually, his teacher told me his tickets were a hit and the kids loved them. Landon told me on the way home from school that he didn't get to play at all that morning bc he was too busy spying on his classmates waiting for someone to need a ticket

Landon has been pretending to be Mario (from Mario Bro.) also. I attached a picture so you can see his Mario get-up. Today at Target I found a Mario shirt on super clearance, and it happened to be Landon's size. He will most likely be living in it for days to come, as he cried tonight when I made him take it off for bathtime. The kid gets on a kick...and stays with it for awhile. But it sure is cute. I love to watch him imagine and to be a boy. And Noah just sort of tags along. As long as Landon includes him, Noah is along for the ride. In fact, shopping is way easier with both boys than just one. Noah insists on holding Landon's hand (not mine) and they just kind of occupy one another throughout the store. These boys are best friends and it warms my heart to pieces. They are so blessed to have one another!

I was going to share a little about dreams (the aspirational kind) but I am out of time for tonight. So tomorrow, maybe. I have friends coming over in the afternoon, but if I get time tomorrow night I will do my best to post. Two posts in a week...that would be some sort of record since starting my internship. And thanks friends for the prayers (and phone calls) you offered on my behalf last week. I needed them...and still do, so keep em coming if you will . In the meantime the ruddy curls of Noah's head make me happy. Lately he has been grabbing my own curls after smooshing his dead against mine. Oh I just love that kid.

Ageless and Timeless 2-23-09

In keeping with my title, lets talk a little about age. We decided to go out to dinner on Friday night. Something we haven't done in, well, I can't remember the last time that we took the kids and went to a restaurant...so it had been awhile. Jonathan decided to ask his single friend Jeff to come along, and since the kids love the guy I thought it would be a good idea So Jeff met us at BW3's and we had a great time. At some point in the evening, Jeff saw a picture of me that was taken about threeish years ago. He could not believe that it was me. I think he was about to say, "You look so young!" but then decided to change it to, "You look so different!". Nice guy. Funny thing is that recently I have been feeling like my face is changing...my eyes look different or something. Not that this is a bad thing...it really isn't age that has me fretting. I am thankful that I CAN age, that I am alive and well and able to add a day and a week and a year onto my life. What I am struggling with is how fast the days and weeks and years are flying by. I can't get my mind around it. I really feel like I was in college just maybe two years ago. And yet, it has been 6 years since I graduated. And somehow in there I managed to have two children and get a mortgage. Oh yeah, and a masters degree. Time just goes so fast. You all know how I try to savor each holiday and squeeze what I can out of the seasons. It all stems from this...that I know this season of life is quickly passing by. I know that one day I will long to have my children home with me again just as I often long for a day back in the college life. I often wish that I could go back to college and savor the memories a little more deeply. I am doing that with this season of my life, or at least attempting to. I still get short with the kids way too often and often let stress seap into my daily interactions. But overall, I try to savor the moments and treasure them up in my heart. Because I know that in the blink of an eye this season will be gone and another will be dawning.

Here is another random topic. I threw a baby shower for my half-sister Mallory this weekend. She is having a baby girl any day now, so I was glad she was able to make it to the shower before having the baby! Anyway, she brought Carly, her half-sister who used to be my step-sister. Did you get all that? (the other little girl in the picture is my adopted half-sister that my dad adn his wife Julie adopted...she is younger than Landon). Now I bet you are super confused . From the ages of 7-16ish, my dad was married to his second wife who had a special needs daughter, Carly (from a previous relationship bf my dad), who then became my step sister. Then my dad and his second wife (Beth) had a little girl together, Mallory, my half-sister. Anyway, I have memories of Carly as a young child, but I have not seen her in at least 12 years as my dad eventually was divorced again. That is what happens when your parents divorce for a second, third, etc time...you lose your step-siblings. Very sad, but very true. Anyway, Mallory felt it was important to have Carly here with her, so she brought her. And throughout the day I could not help but be touched by the tenderness with which Mallory took care of Carly at the shower. Technically, Carly is older than Mallory, but yet Mallory has been raised to basically mother Carly. She cut her food into small pieces, made sure she ate, got her some cake and always made sure that Carly had a spot to sit right next to her. She also let Carly help her open her presents and then when it was time to go, tenderly got Carly's shoes and coat on her. Mallory is going to be a young mama...but if anything convinced me of her ability to do this, it was watching her tangibly love Carly yesterday. It was beautiful, friends...it really was.

And finally, I can't be specific, and I don't want to get people's heads spinning...but I could use some prayer. I have several issues swirling through my life right now, some rather large with the possibility of a giant ripple effect. I feel weak and sinful and sometimes, downright hopeless. I feel downtrodden and tired...exhausted really. I know that I have to only reach out for the Hand of hope, and yet my stubborness keeps me running in circles. I just finished reading The Shack, and despite its theological faults, the message of the book was good. I have such a difficult time handing over my pain to God, trusting Him to protect me and to love me inspite of myself. I know with my head, but my heart rebels. I could desperately use a moment in which I tangibly feel God extending His hand of love to me. I know He does it a million times a day...but I need the eyes to see and the heart to sense it. Please pray for me.

The Birds Are Back 2-16-09

The Birds Are Back

Last Friday I dropped Landon off at school and as we got out of the car, we heard that old familiar and beautiful sound...birds. Even Landon said..."Hey mom! Do you hear that?" Its birds!!!" He knows that means that spring and summer are approaching. It still feels far away, but the days are so much sunnier since February hit and occasionally on a still day, I can hear the sound of birds. And I know that within a month they will be singing so loudly that they will wake me in the morning. This winter went so fast. And yet the last month or so is dragging by. I am so excited to open my house back up and feel the warmth of sunshine on my face. In the meantime, I will take what I can get...even if that is sunshine with temps hovering near 25 degrees (which is exactly what today holds).

Landon's class is trying out different occupations this month at school. One week was a visit to the hospital and another week was a visit to the public safety building and homemade police radios. Another week was a dentist visit and at the end of the month, he has to dress up as something he would like to be. I have no idea what he will choose. That kid is constantly asking me questions about occupations...how he will narrow it down to one (and how I will ever find anything in this house to dress him up in) remains to be seen. On a similarly academic subject, Landon has been asking incessantly to do his math book (a math curriculum book I found on sale a year ago for 75% off). Last night he did 2+2+2+2+2 and correctly wrote in the number 10. I wasn't even in the room...he did it all on his own. I am thinking his strengths are going to be in numbers...just like his daddy. Mine...well, I like words.

Jonathan surprised me this weekend by getting his friend to babysit for 3 hours. Jeff (Jon's friend) doesn't know how to change diapers or any of that, so we were on a tight schedule, but the kids really like him. Anyway, the chinese restaurant we got take out from took over an hour to get our food (we think they lost our order or something...we got take-out for goodness sakes!). This ruined the rest of our plans so we went to get coffee, and while we were doing that Jeff called to say that Landon was crying that his ear hurt (enter moment of understanding when we realized it was actually a BLESSING what happened with the chinese food). So off we came home and Landon and I went on a date to urgent care and the pharmacy. We got home around 10:30, with an antibiotic. It was lovely I had a bit of a different take on it though...kind of praising God that it was just an ear infection. Ear infections are easy....

But back up a tad...Friday night we celebrated LOVE day as a family. Landon was so excited about this holiday this year. Weeks ago he made us all valentines and had them hidden in his room. I think I got at least 5 from him...and they were all addressed to KMama (K bc he knows my name starts with a K and then mama...crazy kid ). Friday during the day Landon helped me make daddy a surprise LOVE cake. We found a heart shaped baking pan from Target for $2 (can't beat that). We put chocolate frosting and red sprinkles on it (Landon did the decorating himself...can you tell? He did pretty well!), and we all enjoyed it immensely. I love making traditions like this for my children. We had a beautiful evening together.

Ok, so the big news (well big for me!)?!?! I volunteered to host my high school 10 year class reunion this summer (there were only 20 people in my class, btw)! At my house! Crazy, I know...but I love hosting and while it will be a ton of work and I will surely freak out a bit as the time draws nearer, at this moment in time when the planning is just starting...I am super excited . I ran it past Jonathan this weekend. He wasn't quite as excited as I was...in fact he said it was giving him indigestion , but he said that as long as he had time to stain the deck and get the yard in working order, he was on board. Hooray...welcome GCS class of 1999!!!