How Precious Life is 3-17-06

How Precious Life Is We watched a show last night called Miracle Workers. On the show was a three year old little boy with terrible scoliosis. It was so bad that four of his ribs were fused together and he would have eventually died because his lung had no where to grow. His parents had to make a decision that no parent should. They had to decide whether it would be best for their son to undergo a surgery in which metal rods would be placed in his back and ribs so that perhaps he could grow straight and live a full life. If the surgery did not work he could be paralyzed for life, or worse, there was a high risk of death with such a serious surgery. They chose to give him the surgery. During the surgery he did go paralyzed, but thank God something changed and all feeling came back and he is now growing straighter and taller and, hopefully, will live a lot longer. Jonathan and I both were crying as we watched this show. Last summer we had to take Landon to the hospital and have him put under while they snipped his tongue tie. It was a three minute procedure and not serious really at all, but because they had to give him anastesia to make him go completely under, we had to sign a waiver that included all of the potential risks including death. The whole experience was so tramatic for me! I remember being so nervous when we took him in and put him in the cute little gown and he was so happy and had no idea what was about to happen to him. Then they gave him a little grape tasting valium to make him sleepy and I rocked him for about a half hour and then they took him from me. I balled…to put it mildly. It is so funny because it was such a little procedure, but Jon and I both felt like we could not imagine if we had to send our child off to have a major surgery! Last May Landon ran a fever for 10 days and the doctor had to run a battery of tests to find out why. I remember praying every day, multiple times a day that the fever would go away. We were talking about scary things like Leukemia and other scary diseases. In the end, the fever disappeared as unexpectedly as it came and there never was an answer for why it existed for so long in the first place. Having children is so scary because when something bad or painful happens to them everything in you just desires to take that pain on as your own. To think that something terrible could happen to them brings you to your knees. I know that ultimately I have to trust that God will do whatever is best for us as His children, but I just pray that never involves anything happening to my children. I think this is where that verse about loving God more than your parents or children comes into play. I have to love and trust God that whatever He does or does not allow in my life is ultimately to bring me closer to Him and to bring glory for His name. But the human side of me cannot escape the disparity I feel at the thought of Landon having to endure major pain, or worse, not having him in my life at all. In fact, as much as I long to love another child as I do Landon, it is also scary to imagine loving this deeply again. But I will, becuase to love a child, to parent a child, to have a child is worth any amount of pain. Truly, in parenting, to love with the possibility of pain or loss is much better than never to have loved at all. All of this to say, that the love that a mother has for her children is unlike any other. It is amazing and fierce and strong and deep. To watch a part of you grow and learn and love…it is the most amazing experience and I thank God for it.

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