Landon's Favorite Things 5-1-06

Landon's Favorite Things...

For Christmas Landon got a Play-Do set for making monsters. I have saved it since then, waiting for him to be old enough to enjoy it. I got it out recently and now it is his favorite thing in the world. Here is just one of many monsters that he has proudly made. It is so cute how he spends so much time molding his monsters and then proudly shows them to us, even asking us to take a picture for him . He has also recently become very interested in coloring. Crayola has Color Wonder books and markers that only color on the paper...so he can color with markers on the couch or floor or wherever. He LOVES them. So the three of us have gone through an entire 25 page coloring book in the last week. Guess I need a new one. These new found hobbies of his seem very grown-up to me. I cannot believe that he is old enough to mold monsters and know where to put eyes and ears and feet. Neither can I believe that he already tries to color inside of the lines and can name all of the animals and colors with which he is coloring. Time just seems to be going so fast and he is growing up before my very eyes.

This morning was very low-key. Landon slept in (until almost 10am!!!...he goes to bed at 9 and usually gets up bt 8 and 9...I have a great sleeper!) so I decided that we would not go anywhere today. So we spent the morning with the doors open and music playing while we did laundry (I say we, because he has to help put the clothes in, transfer them to the dryer, and fold!) and picked up the house. During those mundane tasks I just thought to myself how much I love my life. I am so thankful that I am able to stay home with Landon, and while it is difficult somedays, most days it is just such a blessing...like today.

I am just finishing the Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning. I have to say that the words in the book have been a balm to my soul. For my entire life I have feared failure. In so much, I am a perfectionist and think that anything less than perfect is not good enough. Unfortunately that trait has run over into my relationship with Christ, and as I obviously cannot be perfect, I often struggle with feeling worthy of God's love, grace, blessing. Manning explains that God's love is folly. It does not make sense. Many would call it crazy. In the parable of prodigal son, the father took the son back BEFORE THE SON COULD EVEN APOLOGIZE. In many ways it almost appears that the father wanted the son back more than the son even wanted to be back.The son just had to show up...not promise he would never fail again. God accepts us exactly as we are. But I hate the up and down's of the Christian life. Often I find myself staying down simply bc I don't want to ride the roller coaster any longer. But I am coming to realize that the Lord knows I am not perfect...He made me. Thus, in many ways, He expects failure out of me...but accepts and loves me unconditionally. Jesus knew Peter would betray Him three times on the night of his death, but He also knew that experience would change Peter for the rest of his life...and ultimately Peter was used in amazing ways for God's glory...despite his failings. As Manning says, our darkness is a prized possession because it drives us into the arms of God.

I really hope as I progress on this road to understanding grace and love that my heart can USE the knowledge I glean and not just take it all in. Near the end of the book Manning used these verses from Hosea 11. In place of Israel, he asked the reader to place his or her name. This is what it says:

Kristen, how could I give you up, my heart turns against it.

When you were a child I loved you. I taught you how to walk and took you in my arms.

Yet you have not understood that I was the one looking after you.

I lead you with reigns of kindness, with leading-strings of love.

I was like someone who lifts an infant close, stooping down to you I gave you food.

We serve a personal, loving God. One who does not desire to condemn us for our failures, but yearns for us to accept His forgiveness and allow His love to change us. Slowly, I am learning.