This is going to sound somewhat like I am tooting my own horn...or reveling in my own praise...but a realization hit me last night as I was laying in the bath tub for all of five minutes. Motherhood has got to be one of the most selfless jobs in the entire world. I spent the entire day, like I do nearly every day lately, hopping from child to child taking care of what they needed. Evenings are especially like this. I make dinner, clean up, play with Landon for a bit and then bathe him, bathe Noah, get Landon a snack, read Landon a story, say prayers, rush to feed Noah, clean up the house, pump a bottle, and fall into bed around 11:30 with aching legs and an exhausted body. Some days I really feel like a ping pong ball jumping from child to child (and I only have two!!!). Last night I had a fever and my body ached so badly so I decided that I WAS going to take a bath and try to get the aches to ease up, at least a bit. Noah was fussy, as he often is from about 9 to 10:30pm, but I tried not to think about it. However, as I lay in the bath I found myself feeling guilty that I wasn't helping with him...for the whole ten minutes it took me to sit in there. It was at that moment that I realized, especially since Noah's arrival, that I never take time for myself anymore. I am constantly rushing. Rushing from store to store to avoid a breakdown, rushing to get things done between feedings, rushing to get dressed because every single day Noah starts crying as soon as I get in the shower, even rushing to get to bed because I know that at 2:30 a little person will need his pacifier inserted into his mouth about twenty times until he finally goes back to sleep until 4am when I will need to feed him. I am not complaining at all. I don't mind not having time for myself because I know that it will change as Noah gets older, and as Landon matures as well. But all of this just got me thinking that motherhood seriously demands a denial of self, which then got me thinking about the Lord as my Father and how often I am the reluctant child, the resistant child, the demanding child, the whiny child, etc.. The difference being that He never loses His patience with me, ever.
I really do feel like I am starting to fall into a pattern in our new life and I like it. It is definitely busier, and I am constantly moving and have little time for myself (clearly some time because I am on xanga...although I am rushing bc I am on borrowed time with Noah), but I wouldn't go back for anything. I had my 6 week check up on Tuesday and I had a really great conversation with my OB. She has three young children and I was talking to her about how she balanced them and her job and where she found her fulfillment (earthly fulfillment...not spiritual 
). She mentioned time and again that at the end of the day, all that really matters is your family. She is right. I love it that at 6 weeks of age my son looks all around a room for me, finds me with his bright eyes and gets a huge grin on his lips. I love it that he wants to snuggle up to me because I am familiar and because he knows that I will meet his needs. I love it that Landon knows how much I love him and has certain things he wants only me to do. I love it that my children know me and want me and need me...and I them. What satisfaction it must bring the Lord to say about us, His children, that He loves it when we know Him, want Him, and need Him. Relationship is what He desires, so what satisfaction it must bring Him to say that of His children.
My time on here is up and it is time to face another day. My children bring me so much joy and such a sense of fulfillment. The every day tasks of feeding, clothing, doing laundry, and cleaning toilets can get so mundane and seem so pointless at times, but when you look at the big picture it is those things that bring the most security to our families. We take care of their daily needs, and while the work may be taken for granted, and constantly need doing, ultimately, it is providing stability and maintaining a sense of homeostasis in the home that is the foundation for almost everything else.There may be no praise, and little gratitude for the mundane tasks, which brings me back to my original point that motherhood demands selfless sacrifice, but it also provides an opportunity for personal growth and learning to love on a new level, a much more fulfilling level. Motherhood is a perfect opportunity to learn to love as God intended it...selflessly.
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