The Good the Bad and The Ugly 6-4-07

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

For two whole weeks I was trucking along loving life and thinking I had such a great handle on my new life. I knew how much more diffiuclt it could have been, but I thought I had been dealt a perfect wild card and that all was right with the world. Then week three hit. Landon got sick, Noah got fussy, feeding problems started, and exhaustion has set it. I have so much I COULD blog about, but not enough time to ever sit here and do it. Seriously, for the first time in my life I feel lucky to get a shower in, really lucky to get my breakfast eaten in one sitting, and all dreams of a clean house have been forsaken. This is a season of my life...I know that. I am not complaining...not really. I am admitting that this adjustment is not easy anymore. That I am not handling it perfectly. That sometimes the baby is screaming and I don't have any idea why. That I need to call the lactation consultant bc Noah can't get through a feeding without choking, swallowing too much air, puking almost everything up, and screaming his head off bc his belly hurts, and that I feel run ragged and totally consumed by breast pumps (which I cannot get mine working), cough medicine, puke bowls (Landon still gets those coughing spells that cause him to lose his stomach contents), laundry, and everyday life.
Despite this, I am trying to be eveyrthing to everyone  Thats me...perfectionism and people pleasing is my game. We went on a family vacation Friday to Sunday. We decided to chance it simply bc we have never taken Landon anywhere special before and because we really needed out of the house. So on Thursday evening we decided, got groceries, did laundry, packed, and left for Chicago early Friday morning (I loved all of your suggestions but given that Landon was still a little sick and it was still unknown if Noah would get it or not, we wanted to stay relatively close). We got bagels and coffee and hit the road. Landon was great in the car...so was Noah. Once we hit the city there were trains everywhere and if we had done nothing else Landon would have been the happiest kid ever. He loves trains...so he was just enamored with them all. We went to the zoo first which was also a huge hit. He loved the monkeys and his favorite was the reptile house. It was a gorgeous day and he surpassed our expectations in every way. He was perfect and appreciative and we all had just a wonderful day. We got to the hotel later and found it to be very nice. The night ended with a surprise finding of PF Changs (something I had been craving for months!). We were both so excited (Jonathan and I love the same restaurants...it is great). We took Landon swimming to close the night and he just loved it...perfect. I fell into bed that night exhausted but so pleased with how this was all turning out...and extremely achy, oh yeah...and chilled....must just be exhausted. Nope. That was the end of perfection. I could tell when Noah woke up to eat that something was wrong with me. Every bone or muscle ached in my body...I was feverish...chilled...hot...felt terrible. Everytime Noah wanted to eat that night...I fed him and handed him over to Jonathan and closed my eyes waiting for oblivion to take me. The next morning Jon and  Landon went to breakfast. I didn't. We had planned on going to the aquarium that day and I didn't want to let either of the boys (well...Landon or Jonathan) down, so I dragged myself out of bed and got ready. We went back to the city, payed an arm and a leg for the aquarium, traipsed around there for almost two hours all the while just willing for it to end. I felt so terrible. After it was over, and I was feeding Noah, I noticed a problem with my food depositing area  I called my mom, had her look a few things up on the computer, called my on-call doctor, told her what I had, she called in a prescription. Few...not the flu...it was mastisis. Who knew a breast infection could cause you to ache SO badly and to have a fever. I fell asleep that night shivering, curled up in the arms of my husband, but content. Content becuase this whole having two kids thing...it has really made us feel more connected. We each are always doing something for one of them. It feels much more like a team effort. In fact, I could never, ever, ever do it without him. Ever.

Sunday we went shopping at Ikea and The Great Indoors and H&M and out to lunch. It was a good trip in that Landon was pretty well behaved and loved everything, but it had its low points (like when I was writhing in pain in bed crying that it just wasn't fair  ). It was our first family vacation, and I have to say that it bolstered our confidence and really unified us. Yes, it did end with Landon getting in trouble right before we got home, getting disciplined, crying which led to coughing and JUST as we pulled into our garage...he puked. But...still...it was great..and we will do it again.

Now I am home...well, I have been gone all day, but now I am home. I feel buried under laundry and thank-you's and unpacking and a to do list of about a hundred things. But I also feel thankful. I love our new family. I am tired...so tired...and overwhelmed...seriously. But I feel blessed. In a thousand and one ways...I truly do feel blessed.