Me and My Boys 7-07

Me and My Boys

I know...I know...you all want hair pictures and unfortunately I don't have any...but if this evening goes smoothly I will have Jonathan take one of me and I will edit this post later this evening...that is IF everything goes smoothly this evening, which with multiple children is a BIG if 

In place of that, I am finally going to give you these pictures of me and Noah. You can kind of tell that he is mine...yeah? The funny thing is, though, when he smiles...he looks just like his daddy. I have no idea how that is possible considering he has my lips, but somehow his smile is the exact same as Jonathan's. Landon looks a lot like Jonathan, but not identical (if you compare baby pics). He is kind of a mixture of both of us, with his more dominant traits being Jonathan's. I have to say that it is fun to have two boys made from the same two parents that look so differently. I cannot wait to be able to watch their similarities and differences in personality.

 

 

This weekend I bought Landon a slip-n-slide. Talk about a trip down memory lane. I used to LOVE these things, and although he was a bit leary at first (that is Landon for ya!), now he loves it and is actually going down it on his belly. It is a ton of fun to sit out there and watch him run and jump and slide down it. For any moms out there..they are only $9.99 at Target and totally worth it!!!

Saturday evening my parents came up and I got to leave Landon with Jonathan and Papa while my mom and I went to Target. It was so fantastic. I actually got to look around and not be rushed. We had Noah but he just goes with the flow. I love it when they are this little and so easy. Anyway, after shopping we came home and grilled chicken and steaks...it was simply wonderful. I love spending time with my parents...I really do and I am so thankful that they only live an hour away.

I have been quite introspective lately. I realize that I am searching for significance. My head knows that I find that in Christ, and that being a SAHM is the best thing I could be doing right now, but my heart longs for more. Or maybe not my heart...maybe my pride. I want to do something great, something that impacts people and makes a positive difference in their lives. I want to feel like people in my life are proud of me and the job I have done. I want external validation, and internal. I suppose being a mom gets you all of these things, it is just a verrrrry long time in coming. Perseverence and patience...not my two strongest qualities. I find my confidence lacking in almost every area of my life. I seem insecure and I hate it. My head has all the answers, but my heart seems to be lacking. I feel lazy and half-hearted, burdened, and hindered. I love where I am in my life, and yet I long for more. Some of this is pride, some may be a calling to something else, and somehow I have to figure out the difference and what to do about it. And yet...it feels like I have about three minutes a day to think on these things.

Things outside of the xanga world are pressing in on me. Things that if you were sitting in my living room I would love to chat with you about...see what you think...how you would feel and what you would do with those feelings. But your not...and somethings just aren't public xanga post-worthy. So I will just slowly try to sift through it all.

Given that, I have to say that life with the boys is definitely easier. Noah is doing so great...he has happy and portable (he spits a ton still, but other than constantly being covered in baby puke that is no big deal). He lights up when he sees me and searches all over the room for his big brother when he hears him talking. Landon loves Noah and is constantly asking to wake him up when he is sleeping. I could not ask for him to love him any more than he does. The kids go to bed about the same time every night so Jon and I typically get at least an hour alone each night...granted I usually have to fold the laundry, pump a bottle, and clean up the living room and kitchen during that time...but still .

I know I am blessed beyond words. I have more than many women ever dream of. My two beautiful children, my nice house, safe neighborhood, loving husband, healthy family. I am unworthy of all I have been given. So how in the world is it, that I still want more?