What we learned At Swim Lessons Today 4-14-12

What we Learned At Swim Lessons Today The boys had swim lessons today. Noah loves swim lessons and took them last year too. Landon begged to get to do it this year, but he wanted to do it WITH his best friend. I informed him before I signed him up that his friend is a really good swimmer and may advance to a higher level class than Landon. But Landon was confident it would work out. Its hard in those situations to know what to say. Becuase you dont want to inhibit your kid's belief in their abilities but you also need them to know the reality of the situation. The balance is difficult to find. So fast forward to today. Noah happily goes off to his class and Landon gets called to level 3 of the older kids WITH two of his friends. The class starts and Landon is keeping up, doing all the exericises but coming in last but only slightly. And then it happens. I hear the head woman say that she is moving one kid down...and she calls Landon out of the pool and sends him down to the shallow (er) end to be with the level 2 class. As he walked he caught my eye and shrugged his shoulders but I could tell from his face and body language that he was mortified and trying to fight back tears of disappointment and inadequacy. Broke my heart. He proceeded to take part in the level 2 class while his friends swam away in the deep end in the Level 3 class. In level 2, each kid swims the width of the pool one at a time (instead of all together), so he spent most of his time just treading water on the side of the pool, and I could see that all the while, he was treading water in his little heart and mind too. When class ended, he came up to me to get a towel and I could see it all in his face: disappointment, inadquacy, insecurity, shame. He wanted a towel immediately so he could cover up his face (he is macho and doesnt like to show emotion to the world anymore). I did what any sane mom would do in that situation and took him to get a donut at the bakery after we left. I tried to tell him that there is a reason for everything. That maybe there is a kid in Level 2 that needs to know Jesus, or that needs a friend. But the Level 2 teacher yelled at Landon about something and it crushed his spirit (which was barely withstanding after being called out and demoted in front of his friends). Somewhere mid-lecture about there being a reason for everything I just stopped, because I realized that as much as we want there to be a reason for everything... sometimes...there isn't one. Or if there is, we never know it. We want to wrap everything up with a neat little bow and package it beautifully, but sometimes in doing that we miss what is really going on. Sometimes things just suck. Watching your 8 year old have his confidence completely crushed in front of his friends...sucked (my mom is going to kill me for saying that word so many times on my blog). I'm pretty sure he will remember today for the rest of his life, and not necessarily in a good way. He didn't really need me reminding him about the reason behind everything at that moment. He needed me to just join him. To understand him. To ACKNOWLEDGE his feelings, instead of deny them. So often I have denied them and tried to redefine them into what I think they should be. As Christians, especially, so often we run from what is really going on and try to deny it as though pretending it were different really makes it different. I am not advocating that we wallow. I am certainly not saying that we should focus on the negative and never look for the silver lining. I guess what I am saying is lets just be real. At some point, lets stop saying what everyone wants to hear and acknowledge what is really going on and how we really feel. Because that stuff is reality. And we can deal with reality. A lot better than we can fakeness. Honesty promotes intimacy.  Landon's experience today sucked (sorry mom). I didnt use that word with him, but for once...I didn't redefine his feelings. I just sat with him in the reality of what he was feeling. So he wasn't alone. And then together, we will learn to grow from what happened today. Not because we know the reason that it had to happen this way, but becuase he could be honest about feeling insecure and inadequate and thoroughly embarrassed. Now that we acknowledged those real feelings, we can focus on the truth of who Landon is...who he was made to be. And the fact that what happened today doesn't have to define tomorrow. I don't have answers anymore for all of the bad that happens to so many people I have come into contact with. I have searched for answers and longed for wisdom. But the truth is...I am not sure we will ever know this side of Heaven. So I am learning to just admit that "it is what it is" and sometimes that means that it sucks (sorry again, Mom). But you dont have to be alone in that feeling. In the grief or inadequacy or failure. Because the truth is that we all are human, so we all fail and have been failed. Yes everything that happens can be used for good. And yes God is in control. But lets stop denying that inspite of those truths...sometimes life HURTS. Lets stop denying that and start being honest...and instead of judging one another, loving one another.