In keeping with my title, lets talk a little about age. We decided to go out to dinner on Friday night. Something we haven't done in, well, I can't remember the last time that we took the kids and went to a restaurant...so it had been awhile. Jonathan decided to ask his single friend Jeff to come along, and since the kids love the guy I thought it would be a good idea 
So Jeff met us at BW3's and we had a great time. At some point in the evening, Jeff saw a picture of me that was taken about threeish years ago. He could not believe that it was me. I think he was about to say, "You look so young!" but then decided to change it to, "You look so different!". Nice guy. Funny thing is that recently I have been feeling like my face is changing...my eyes look different or something. Not that this is a bad thing...it really isn't age that has me fretting. I am thankful that I CAN age, that I am alive and well and able to add a day and a week and a year onto my life. What I am struggling with is how fast the days and weeks and years are flying by. I can't get my mind around it. I really feel like I was in college just maybe two years ago. And yet, it has been 6 years since I graduated. And somehow in there I managed to have two children and get a mortgage. Oh yeah, and a masters degree. Time just goes so fast. You all know how I try to savor each holiday and squeeze what I can out of the seasons. It all stems from this...that I know this season of life is quickly passing by. I know that one day I will long to have my children home with me again just as I often long for a day back in the college life. I often wish that I could go back to college and savor the memories a little more deeply. I am doing that with this season of my life, or at least attempting to. I still get short with the kids way too often and often let stress seap into my daily interactions. But overall, I try to savor the moments and treasure them up in my heart. Because I know that in the blink of an eye this season will be gone and another will be dawning.
Here is another random topic. I threw a baby shower for my half-sister Mallory this weekend. She is having a baby girl any day now, so I was glad she was able to make it to the shower before having the baby! Anyway, she brought Carly, her half-sister who used to be my step-sister. Did you get all that? (the other little girl in the picture is my adopted half-sister that my dad adn his wife Julie adopted...she is younger than Landon). Now I bet you are super confused . From the ages of 7-16ish, my dad was married to his second wife who had a special needs daughter, Carly (from a previous relationship bf my dad), who then became my step sister. Then my dad and his second wife (Beth) had a little girl together, Mallory, my half-sister. Anyway, I have memories of Carly as a young child, but I have not seen her in at least 12 years as my dad eventually was divorced again. That is what happens when your parents divorce for a second, third, etc time...you lose your step-siblings. Very sad, but very true. Anyway, Mallory felt it was important to have Carly here with her, so she brought her. And throughout the day I could not help but be touched by the tenderness with which Mallory took care of Carly at the shower. Technically, Carly is older than Mallory, but yet Mallory has been raised to basically mother Carly. She cut her food into small pieces, made sure she ate, got her some cake and always made sure that Carly had a spot to sit right next to her. She also let Carly help her open her presents and then when it was time to go, tenderly got Carly's shoes and coat on her. Mallory is going to be a young mama...but if anything convinced me of her ability to do this, it was watching her tangibly love Carly yesterday. It was beautiful, friends...it really was.
And finally, I can't be specific, and I don't want to get people's heads spinning...but I could use some prayer. I have several issues swirling through my life right now, some rather large with the possibility of a giant ripple effect. I feel weak and sinful and sometimes, downright hopeless. I feel downtrodden and tired...exhausted really. I know that I have to only reach out for the Hand of hope, and yet my stubborness keeps me running in circles. I just finished reading The Shack, and despite its theological faults, the message of the book was good. I have such a difficult time handing over my pain to God, trusting Him to protect me and to love me inspite of myself. I know with my head, but my heart rebels. I could desperately use a moment in which I tangibly feel God extending His hand of love to me. I know He does it a million times a day...but I need the eyes to see and the heart to sense it. Please pray for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment