Smorgasboard 8-3-09

Smorgasboard

I really have so much I would love to blog about, but time just escapes me these days. So I am going to attempt to lay them out here in paragraph format. So buckle up, this is going to be very random....

Lets start with light and fluffy. Noah's vocabulary has taken off. He says pretty much anything and everything, and I never seem to record any of it like I did with Landon. So for my own memory I want to write down at least a few of his cutest sayings: Sometimes we play this game where I ask him if he want to eat...a monkey, or brother, or a spider, etc. Whenever I name something, he makes a gagging noise (I know that doesn't sound like much, but if you could only hear it.... So cute). And some of his words: "Do EEt" for Do it. "Adie", for his best friend, Aiden. "Noey", for himself. "Ga" for his beloved Grandma...often in the context of " Miss Ga" (I miss Grandma). "Jelly" for PBJ sandwiches. "Meow" for Kitty. "Doots" for treats. And most recently..."stinko butt" when he pooped his diaper. And his favorite things....his cozy coupe car which he "drives" up and down the road and all over the place...and his engine powered jeep (his newfound love of life). Otherwise...he just does whatever his older brother is doing

We took the kids to Michigan Adventure yesterday. They both loved it. It was Noah's first time at an amusement park and he L.O.V.E.D. it. He went on every single kiddie ride, some at least 10 times. Everytime he had this beautiful smile on his face and every now and again a delighted giggle would escape. On the cars, he got to drive and every time he steered wrong (which was way often), we would hit the rail and bump, he laughed hysterically. And Landon got on the big wooden one...they didn't measure him this time (he is 1/2 inch too short). And he loved it. I am so glad I have a rollercoaster riding buddy. He talked me on the ferris wheel for our last ride. Give me a rollercoaster ANY day...I HATE ferris wheels. I squeezed his hand so tight his fingers turned purple

So I am trying to work out Landon's new school schedule and my new work schedule and a sitter for Noah in the midst. I am feeling a tad overwhelmed. And I feel like I am committing the unpardonable sin that stay-at-home mom's should never do...you know...crossing over. When you are a SAHM, you have this philosophy that you live by, and whether you admit it or not, there is a dividing line between you and a full time working mom. But the divide gets a little more blurry by those of us that work part time or have our own businesses (cakes, photography, etc) on the side. I am feeling that from a few of my SAHM friends. Very unspoken...but subtle hints that what I am choosing is not the best thing for my family or my children, or myself. It is not as though I have not thought through this and prayed my heart out. I am where I am and I am doing what I am doing because this is where God has lead ME for now. That doesn't mean this is what is best for everyone, nor does it mean I will do this forever. It means I will do this for now...until God moves my heart to do something different, whatever that may be. I won't lie...it is not easy for me. When I became a mom, the first thing I did was put career on the way back burner. My mom was a working mom (partly out of necessity...single mom...and partly out of being supremely good at what she does and finding fulfillment in fulfilling that purpose) and I knew that I wanted to be a SAHM, no matter what. But then God moved my heart from place A to place B. There will most likely be a place C and D eventually. But for now...I am confident here. But when I feel the unspoken words and tension, it stirs things up inside of me. My children are my utmost concern...being there for them...teaching them and guiding them, bringing them up in ways that honor God...that is where my devotion lies. Working 2.5 days a week and having to find sitters and work out schedules doesn't change any of that one bit. But somethings are better left unsaid, because ultimately, parenting is SUCH an emotional and personal issue. And we do what we do because we think it is best for our children and for our families. And when we make a decision, whether it be to stay home or to work part or full time, we do that with faltering confidence that that decision is BEST. So when someone else chooses something different, whether they say something or not, it pulls those questions out of us and our insecurities are laid bare. And that is the moment of truth. Do we knock others down to make ourselves feel more secure in our own decisions? Or do we identify what our insecurities are, make confident decisions, give our all at what we are called to for the time being, and ENCOURAGE those who choose differently, knowing that most likely they are just as unsure as we are...and most importantly...that we all want the same thing...to be good mothers who produce children who walk with the Lord and live lives honoring to Him (which in turn produces good citizens, students, workers, families, etc...).

My family is in Florida right now, visiting my sisters and my niece and nephew. We usually go, but this year we couldn't swing it. I am sad...and missing everyone. And I think I should end this lest I go on a complete complaining spree and start spewing the entire contents of my heart (which isn't in super great shape at this moment).

Thanks for sticking with me in my randomness. It was more for me than anyone else, but if you read it...thanks. Have a good...albeit blustery...day! And one last thing...my Noey on his favorite "ride" ~