Sneaking on Here 4-7-09

I am Sneaking on Here

Jonathan took Noah for the night so that I can get some work done. And here I am on xanga...tehe, don't tell. I really do have so much to do before work tomorrow, but there were a few things I wanted to share with you all...

1) Thank you SO much for your out-pouring of love for Mallory. I wasn't really looking for anything more than prayers, but you all jumped on that one. If, and that is a big if, you really wanted to give something to her...I was thinking maybe we could do some sort of diaper drive. She has a lot of clothes for a baby (we could do older clothes, but that seems more involved)...and diapers are so very practical. She will need them no matter what. Her biggest need is money at this point. She has enough baby gear...but diapers seem like they would help. Truly her biggest need is love and support...but that is the responsibility of me and her other family and friends. But it is tricky...we weren't close growing up (blame divorce for a second time) and now we are trying to form a sisterly bond, while battling our own insecurities and issues with my dad. Interesting. Anyway, this isn't about that...it is about Mal. So, let me know what you think. Again, I am not looking for a hand out...but a lot of you expressed wanting to help...and that is the best idea I have. This feels funny so I am going to move on....please know that I am not asking for anything....just giving an outlet if you felt lead.

2) Almost two weeks ago I FINALLY decided to start exercising on a regular basis. I decided to start with the 30 Day Shred since so many of you raved about it. I have done it consistently every day, and have moved up to level 2. My question is, why am I registering 2 pounds HEAVIER?!?! I am watching what I eat, and I feel better. My pants (I think) feel looser, but the scale is consistently registering heavier. I know muscle weighs more than fat, but seriously now...I haven't put on 2 pounds of muscle in 2 weeks. There is a lot of strength training with this video and I really enjoy it. Well, I don't enjoy it while I am doing it (rather I feel as though I may die), but I enjoy the way I feel afterwards Thoughts...please. Oh yeah, I have also been doing some extra cardio here and there. What is up with my body?

3) Finally, my birthday is tomorrow and Jonathan decided to come down to where I work and take me out to dinner. I got someone to cover my shift for a few hours at the group home. I am excited to spend a little time alone with him. I wasn't planning on getting to see him at all on my actual birthday so this was a pleasant surprise. I get home Thursday from work and then on Friay Jamie and company are coming to spend the night until Saturday. So excited to see them all...and to meet baby Ezra! Then they leave Sat morning and we leave Sat afternoon for Easter (and Jon's b-day) with his family. Then we get home Sunday night...and it starts all over again. Tiring, eh?

I am guessing I came across rather down in my last post. Many of my close friends here called to chat and asked me if I was ok . I didn't mean to come across so strongly (maybe it was that I said I wanted to strangle someone?). We are wounded and burdened, but we aren't down for long. I am encouraged by how well Jonathan has handled this challenge and inspired by his hope and determination. Life is a little crazy right now...a lot up in the air and emotions flying through my veins. I have a lot to process...and no time to really do it in. But the Lord is my strength and my hope. And we rest in Him, trusting that in time this will all be put to rest. I can't tell you how much I have been challenged in counseling others to tackle my own pain and insecurities head on. This is not easy, nor does it always feel good. In fact, sometimes it is downright awful. But if I am going to tell others how necessary it is to deal with emotion and past hurts and present struggles rather than mire in complacency (because what is known is so much more comfortable than what is not known), then I need to get my own butt (can I say that on here?) moving. This has been a process and there have been hills and valleys. But that is life...a rollercoaster of experiences and emotions. Thank God we have a refuge who is never changing and steadfast in His love and acceptance.

And with that I need to get to work. Thanks again friends...for everything!