My Life ~ A Journey 7-4-09

My Life ~ A Journey When I started my masters program, I didn't have all of the great direction that one desires when embarking on such an endeavor. I had a vague idea of what I would like to do, but mostly I just felt called to get the degree. I guess I need to go back and give you a little more history. In my undergrad at Cedarville, I was a psychology major. I loved it, and I remember one class period specifically in which I had just lead a group. After the session was over, my prof took me aside and told me that I had something special that needed an outlet...basically, he was saying..."do what it takes, use your talents...and become a counselor!" It feels funny saying that, but this story is not about me at all. You will understand, just stick with me. So I had every intention of going to grad school immediately after graduation (in May), but in March of my senior year of college (Jon and I got married BEFORE our senior year, in case you were wondering), I discovered that I was going to be a mama. And life took off from there. Our plan and dreams took a backseat and we started doing that which we had to do to make life work. Jonathan got a job, got insured (a good thing to have when you are going to have a baby), and we moved back to MI rather than to the grad school of my choice. For the first year of Landon's life I was just a mama. But it was nothing like I anticipated it being and I could write an entire post on that alone. We were young, had no other friends who had kids aside from one who life 500 miles away, and we had a tough baby, and we lived in a new place and I had no friends...but I did have an identity crisis Anyway, by the time Landon was 15 months old I started feel the tug again....the grad school tug. But I had always told myself that I was going to be a SAHM, and I didn't think I could effectively do both...be a mom and a student, and eventually a worker. And being a mom was/is something I cannot afford to mess up, so I didn't think I could do grad school. But I prayed for peace and was soon thereafter introduced to Liberty's Distance Learning program...which made it possible for me to stay home, and be a student. And I knew I could do it (or at least I thought I could at that time) and God did give me the peace I was looking for. So I started. And it went along ok, until about half way through when I had TWO kids and some pretty tough classes, and I thought I was done. I just didn't have any more to give and I had lost my drive. I was about to take a break to reevaluate, when I received a call from the professor who was going to be teaching my next class (a class I was NOT looking forward to). She happened to live near me and as we spoke we found out that we had both gone to Cedarville (different times, obviously). She asked to meet me for dinner a few days later. I willingly accepted and was so excited to meet a prof face to face for once (something you never get to do in a distance learning program). We had a lovely evening together and she asked me a lot of questions...but I thought it was a get to know you type of thing. However, afterwards when we were leaving she said to me, "Let me know when you are ready for your internship, I have one for you!" I had inadvertently been interviewed and didn't even know it . Now, to those of you who have ever had to hunt down a good internship, you have some idea of the GIFT that this was. God literally dropped it in my lap...I had barely begun to ask for it...and He granted this to me. And it was what I needed to keep going in the program. In fact, after that, I put my head down and went full speed ahead. A year later I was ready to start my internship. Going into it, I honestly didn't know if counseling was going to be a good fit for me. I knew I eventually wanted to teach at the collegiate level, but I wasn't so sure about counseling. But from my very first client on that snowy December day, I have found a part of myself that I never knew was missing. I feel like I am finally doing that which God made me to do. Most definitely He made me to be a mama to my boys and a wife to my husband (you all know how much I cherish these jobs and hold it at the forefront of my life), but He also uniquely gifted me with talents that I was finally able to use..I had an outlet and I felt like I had found my calling. Week after week, client after client, I fell deeper and deeper in love with this new job. I love the counselors I am working with, I love the clientele, and most of all...I love the hope and the renewed life that I have been privy to watching unfold before my very eyes. It happened again just this past week. A client came in, shared her story...and we were able to connect and as the session unfolded I saw hope light up her eyes. This is the business of redemption, people. God taking pain and redeeming lives. And I get to be a part of it. I just absolutely love it. But now my internship is winding down. I know how difficult it would be to get someone to hire me with a temporary license (something I will have for a few years until I accrue enough hours and take the national licensure exam). And beyond that, I have a lot of restrictions on where I will and won't work. The main one being that I need the freedom to speak freely of my faith...because for me, psychology and counseling theory and technique are certainly useful and necessary...but Jesus Christ is the Hope Giver and the Healer. I can't do this without the freedom to share Him. So I prayed. And I went back to my original desire...to teach. And I prayed that somehow God would merge that with an opportunity to keep my hands in counseling as well. I sent some resume's out. I got an interview and somewhere in the interview (maybe when she started pulling textbooks out of a box and handing them to me), I realized that I had just gotten the job. So come Fall Semester, I will be an adjunct professor, teaching Introduction to Psychology to two different sections. I am still in awe that God provided this for me. But I still thought about counseling and how much I love it and would miss it if I couldn't do it. I immediately began praying about the possibility of finding something very part-time to accompany the 6 hours a week that I will be teaching. And the very next day, an opportunity arose. I cannot share it yet, as the logistics still need to be worked out. But lets just say, it is beyond my wildest imaginations. And I am absolutely humbled that within two days time, God handed me two dream jobs. This degree that I will get in August (yep, I am actually graduating!), is absolutely not about me. From day one it has had a life of its own. When people would ask me what I was going to do with my degree, I never had a concrete answer, I just knew that God had a purpose and use, and that this was a necessary tool to get there. I am so humbled, truly honored to be a part of all of this. I can't give specifics but there is one case right now, specifically, that God has absolutely taken ahold of and is surpassing everyone's wildest imaginings. I wish I could give you details...because it would bless your socks off. The kind of stuff where you can almost tangibly see the Spirit moving...a true and beautiful love story...a redemptive story. And God has allowed me to be a small part of it...and to watch it unfold. And it has blessed MY socks off...deepened my faith...and allowed me to better understand God as the Abba that He is. This truly is the business of redemption. And none of this is about me. Really, I feel that God has paved the road ahead of me, and I am just privileged to be on it. I am honored to have a husband who supported and encouraged and stuck with me through this entire process. And I am so thankful for the sacrifice that even my children have made. And yet these three remain my highest calling...and God has graciously allowed for these other, new pieces of my life to fit around my home and my family. The last few days, those closest to me have been expressing how proud they are of me. But honestly, I don't feel necessarily proud. I feel honored and cared for..and a part of something totally beyond myself. I feel proud of my supportive family (I could never have done this without the help and support of Jonathan and my mom!)...and grateful...and loved. And I feel thankful for all of you...who so many times encouraged me on through this process...stood by and cheered me on when I didn't think I could get yet another paper done. Watched and prayed as I traveled to Virginia three separate times...once even involving that preterm labor scare with Noah. You have all been a part of this as well...and my memories of this experience will always include you...and how supported you all made me feel. So no, this is not about me. Not at all. That is what is so completely awesome about being part of the family of God. It is HIM in us that enables us to do that which He calls us to....that which seems impossible or insurmountable. Do you have a dream? Is there something God is calling you to that fear is holding you captive of? A new ministry, a new job, a new house, a new relationship, a new move, a new child...you name it. Embark on that journey, friends. Start by praying...letting God know you are willing and asking Him to open your eyes to the possibility and the means. Pray with faith that He will answer. You will be A.M.A.Z.E.D. If you started, and you find yourself stalled, pray for wisdom and pray for peace. Pray for answers in the form of concrete options. So many times in my life God has almost tangibly lead me...provided for me...exceeded my wildest imagination. Sometimes that didn't look how I anticipated...but without fail, in the end He has truly surpassed my expectations. My journey has been and will always be fraught with worry and occasional doubt , but thank God that we serve Him who is faithful and merciful and "accomplishes exceedingly and abundantly more than we ask or imagine (Eph 3:20)." Don't give up friends...find joy in this journey, we don't need the destination at our determining...the destination is so much more fulfilling when you can find joy in the journey. So that is it. The short (yeah right!) version of my graduate school, career journey. The really cool thing ~ grad school is ending, a true era of my life, but a whole new and vast countryside lay ahead and I am so very excited and truly honored to watch as God moves in this business of redemption.