I have had a lot swirling through my mind as of late. Much of it, unfortunately, I cannot share on here. I knew that once I started counseling, confidentiality would be a huge part of my life. I am not supposed to speak about my clients to anyone other than my supervisor. So clearly, xanga and counseling don't mix too well. But I can share what I am learning/thinking about on a general level. I have had three clients up until now, but starting this week that number is jumping up to 5. I am so super excited and as with every new client, a tad anxious as well. These two new ones are regarding issues I am not as familiar with, so I am doing a lot of extra study this weekend on how to best serve these clients. On Wednesday I am also leading an hour long group session. I am super excited about that...I love group therapy and I think that it does wonders. I am a huge fan. So I am going to work on that tonight...and I am eager for Wednesday evening to arrive so I can put into action all of these thoughts in my head.
A lot of people come to counseling expecting that we (the therapist) are there to fix them. That is not our job. Not really. We are there to teach, to encourage, to walk a journey of hope and healing with you, to guide you, to listen to you, to support you. But ultimately, the responsibility for healing is on the client. Personal responsibility for some difficult work. That is hard to express to people in a way that does not immediately turn them off or make them run for the door, because really, who likes to encounter pain. But encountering pain and facing it head on is how we get a wound to heal. Instead of putting a band-aid on, we pick that scab, let it bleed...wash it out...and marvel as it heals. It is tough. But often, people don't like tough. We would rather a quick fix...a snap of the fingers so to speak.
As I was sitting in church yesterday (ok, I admit...my thoughts were very humanish...feed me, fill me, etc.), I was thinking about how bored I was. My mind could not focus, I was being rather judgmental, etc. Suddenly the voice of my mother came shouting through my head. When I was a kid, my mom told me time and again, regarding many different situations, that we get out of something whatever it is that we put into it. Meaning, if we don't try, if we just sit there and expect someone else to do all of the work...we will get nothing out of it. But if we put the work in...if we get involved and apply our minds and hearts and hands...we will get a lot out of it. As the day wore on I began to think about all of the situations in my life to which that truth applied...church, school, counseling, mothering, my marriage, my relationship with God. Everything. If I just go through the motions and don't apply myself, aspects of my life seem boring and mundane and sometimes, loathsome. So in the end, I discovered that I am like many counseling clients, I come into the office of my life, sit down, share the deepest parts of myself and then say, "Fix me!" I stop working and wait for someone else to start...for something to change...for a renewed sense of something that never seems to happen. Personal responsibility...it is a difficult thing to accept, but if we never do...our life will pass us by and we will never have the life we want, because we will always be waiting on something external that we have no control over. But we do have control over ourselves...that is just about the only thing we do have control over. Just a smattering of my recent thoughts...
On a much more fun note, I was supposed to go away last night to work on my group session, but it was snowing so beautifully out, so I decided I would go tonight instead. So all of us...Landon, Jon, Noah and myself got all dressed up and went outside. We went sledding, played on the plow mounds, and enjoyed the refreshing coldness of the snow. Then we came in for hot cocoa and a relaxing evening together. The voice of my mom was even resonating in that moment it took me to decide whether to postpone my plans (my books and notes were all packed and waiting by the door) for something spontaneous and fun for the family. After all, someone pretty wise once said that you get out what you put in.
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