Time...it just keeps marching on. I have become somewhat of a hermit this Christmas break. It was the first one since college that I actually got to partake in...in that I actually had a break from normal life (teaching). Jonathan had reserved his vacation so he had two full weeks off and Landon was obviously off of school. The first week was spent getting ready for Christmas...every waking moment was filled with something...shopping, wrapping, repairing the car (Jonathan), baking cookies, cinnamon rolls, etc. After Christmas we retreated into our own little world. We spent last week going sledding and swimming and playing video games. It was lovely...I got a few closets cleaned out, my kitchen cabinets scrubbed down, and other projects that I never have time for in my normal life. And then I realized that break is quickly coming to a close. I actually have another week but come Monday morning Jon goes back to work and come Tuesday, Landon goes back to school. And you know what else hit me...Landon is on the downswing of Kindergarten...which means 1st grade is right around the corner. You have all been around me long enough to know that I start worrying about things long before they actually happen...it takes me awhile to get used to change...humor me a little.
As with all other changes that I dread, and eventually encounter, I will surface through this one just fine...but the other morning as I got into the car by myself to go do something I was hit anew with the fact that life as I have known it the past 6 years is truly and radically about to change. My lazy days of doing nothing with the boys...or taking Landon swimming or to the library...to the park or the nature center...it is all about to change. I won't have TIME with him..not like I have had until now. School five whole days a week...that leaves me a few hours in the evenings, filled with dinner and baths and homework and maybe an hour of fun. It just doesn't seem like enough. Already, I miss the kid when he has school three days a week...how will I ever manage when he has it FIVE days. It comes down to the fact that I genuinely enjoy my son's company. He has been my little buddy...my companion during the day for the past 6 years. I know I still have Noah and I am so grateful for that...but nobody prepared me for how radically my days would change at this transition. Landon talks my ear off, and he says some really funny stuff...and while he usually won't let me kiss him anymore, he will randomly walk up to me and hug me simply bc his tender heart knows that his mama needs a hug. And I am gonna miss that kid...
I guess I just still feel like a mom of young children...not a mom of school-age children. I don't feel ready for that...and it doesn't seem possible at all. I want to hit the pause button on my life...but time just keeps marching by. I am dreading Tuesday when Landon goes back to school much more than I am dreading the following Tuesday when I go back to work. I just want to keep hibernating in our home, playing together and doing all of the things we have always done without schedules and responsibilities. It is not even just the whole going to school thing...it's the "growing up" that is getting me. I feel stuck about 3 years ago but reality is telling me that I have to come out of my little world and realize that time is marching on whether I want it to or not.
For so long the days seemed so long...all day every day home with Landon. I got so bored and tired of playing garbage trucks for the 400 millionth time. But then one day, he changed. And life changed and time started slipping away even faster. And I think I am finally starting to understand, to truly grasp what the older folks are saying when they stop us in a restaurant and tell us "to treasure these years bc they are golden and pass all too quickly." I have watched Landon transition through many stages, and I have watched as Noah too has come through phase after phase. In fact, I think it is the combination of Landon starting to separate from us and become more independent mixed with the fact that Noah is now wearing the same clothes that Landon wore when I was pregnant with/and had Noah. Sound weird? Yeah, I am a little weird...but for some reason that throws me. Landon is cemented as a 3.5 year old in my mind...so the fact that Noah is starting to wear the clothes from that time period just seems inconceivable to me. And I reminded, yet again...how fast this all is going.
So for two more days, I think we will hole up and hibernate...play and live and operate in today, because tomorrow comes all too quickly...
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