This morning I happened upon a blog that I have been following from time to time. This family has an 11 month old little girl who went to the doctor two weeks ago for a re-check on an ear infection. They never went home from the appointment. Instead, they were thrown into the utter chaos of cancer and doctors and hospitals and the bottomless pit of fear. They went in worrying about putting their daughter on another antibiotic, and left with the most potent medications known to mankind. This morning I hopped over to their blog for some good news, instead, what I saw made my heart fall to the floor and a small gasp slip from my mouth. Cora went to Heaven this weekend.
Beyond the tragedy of losing a child, beyond the heart wrenching pain of watching a child (your child!) battle cancer and fight for her life after a surgery...the sheer quickness of this all has my heart and head doing tail spins. I have gone to the doctor with my children for ear infections and colds, and to think that she did the same and then this all happened...there really are no words. My heart ached for little Cora as I read what she was enduring, but I really hoped and thought that she would be like so many other babies who fight, and win. The doctors didn't even have time to figure out exactly what kind of cancer she had. She was 11 months old. She would have been a year old next month.
I can rejoice that Cora is out of pain. That she doesn't have to go through anymore surgeries and the trial that is chemo therapy. I can praise God that her suffering is over. But my heart is torn into pieces for her parents and those who loved her. Two weeks...it is just so quick. They will go home from the hospital to a house full of Cora...her bedroom, her toys, diapers, baby food. Every single corner of every room will hold a memory which I can only imagine at this point, will make the emptiness of their arms that much more real.
After I read the news this morning and prayed for that family...I grabbed my boys and put some music on...and we danced. All around the room...we sang and we laughed and we fell and we held hands. I belted out Deep and Wide and Jesus Loves Me and For the Beauty...bc I could do nothing else. I can only cherish what I have at this moment. If Cora's life is not a reminder of that, I don't know what is. As I went around and around the room with my boys and listened to their laughter and felt their warm hands in mine, I nearly burst with thankfulness that I am here, in this moment. And at naptime when Noah put his pudgy hands around my neck and laid his strawberry head on my shoulder, I drank in the feel of his warm body and the smell of son. And when Landon wanted three hugs before nap, I gave them freely...even though he gave me a strawberry kiss which was kind of gross. Seriously...these are the moments that some people die for. The grief of that mama today...the depth of it, I cannot fathom.
God knows. In cases like this, so many people wonder how God could allow this to happen. We are assured that He is in control and I know that the grace He will supply I cannot know, becuase it is unimaginable...and in the moment. I also know that God does not justify the bad that happens here on earth...but He has indeed promised to redeem it. So Lord redeem this situation...redeem these lives...fill them...hold them...help them.
I don't know how anyone recovers from the likes of the past two weeks in that family, especially with this ending. But I know we serve a God of grace...and that He can redeem this. Maybe not here and now...but someday. May that offer them a thread of hope to which they can cling.
I really can't think of anything more depressing or sad to blog about today. But the message is so abundantly clear to me. Get past the dishes and the dustbunnies. Get off the computer. Get off the couch. Be creative and savor the moment. Every week I meet people who have such deep problems...such deep hurts...so many losses. And it all starts in the home. What are we doing with our children? This world is a difficult place to live...how are we preparing our kids? It is in the teaching...but friends, it is also in the loving. Get past yesterday, or last year or the last ten years...cherish today. Today lays the foundation for our children's tomorrow. Go do something spontaneous. Be loud and silly and fun. Hug longer and more often. Speak love. Show love. Enjoy today, becuase truly...truly, it is all that we are promised in the now.
Heaven will be a beautiful place for Cora...no more pain and suffering...and the arms of Jesus will hold her and celebrate with her. And I know mom and dad will be longing for the day that they get to join her there...whenever that will be. Until then, please keep them in prayer. And in their honor...and in Cora's...lets go savor our children. And as my friend Blair said, "Lets be vigilant to remember that this earth is not our home. Cora is home."
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