The Eve Of D-Day
So here I sit...my last remaining hours as a family of three. I wish this day had been a relaxing one, but it hasn't and it won't be. Oh well, I will take my few moments I have here to revel in the quietness of my home, the coziness of my little family, and the kicks of my baby that as yet remains inside of my belly.
I haven't blogged about it because I felt like all I ever talked about was my pregnancy and grad school, but my final project is due Sunday, which means tonight for me. Because I am being induced tomorrow I will not get discharged until Sunday...so today is my due date for my final grad project. I have been trying to work on it all week and the forces of the universe have been against me in every possible way. Every moment I try to steal to do my project gets stolen back away. So here I am on the eve of delivering my second child trying desperately to get this project done...and it will probably take me well into the wee hours of morning. Insane. After this, I am taking June, July and August off of grad school. After tonight I won't have to think about it again for awhile. Please pray I get it done...my mind is not focused and I feel like I have done an absolutely horrible job. So if I have not been with it on xanga lately...that is why. My friends that I talk to on the phone...that is why I scarcely answer anymore. I feel like a horrible friend...but my plate has been way too full and I just haven't been able to keep up.
So this is it. I have to say that I never thought it would come down to an induction. It is very strange to be facing impending labor. I want it...but I know that in a few short hours I will be in tremendous pain. I also know that in a few short hours I will have another son, no longer a mom to just Landon, but also to another. These pregnancy hormones that have made me so sick for nine whole months...but that helped to grow and sustain my healthy baby...they will all go away in a few short hours. No more throwing up. No more feeling nauseous. It will all go away in a matter of hours and I will hold and see this little one who has been kicking and growing inside of me all of this time. How can anyone not believe in God when they witness a pregnancy and birth. In every possible way it is a miracle with the handwriting of God all over it.
My life is relatively simple right now. It is comfortable and easy. We are a family of three. Landon is relatively independent and I know what to expect with him. I have tried to savor these last days...to linger at his side when he is sleeping and to enjoy the fact that I can take a 20 minute shower every morning if I wanted to and he would be just fine without me. I have held his hand longer and snuggled tighter. My heart overflows with love for him, and yet I know that without a doubt the moment I lay eyes on my new son tomorrow my heart will double in size and suddenly it will overflow with love for two beautiful boys. I don't understand it all today...but tomorrow I will. Tomorrow I meet my child. His birth date will be May 11. My entire life I have thought of what my kids birthdays would be...as the days ticked by I wondered from time to time if that would be a significant day. Now October 28 and May 11 will forever be changing days in our lives. I find myself dreaming of what other birthdays lie ahead that I know nothing of as of yet. But they are appointed. The Lord gave us this child, and He gave us Landon...and he gave us each other. How can I want for anything. Seriously. I am blessed in every way.
So tomorrow I endure labor. I experience the pain and after how ever long of pushing I finally get to see and feel and smell and touch my little baby. What will he look like, what will he be like? I know a magical moment is waiting for me right around the corner and I simply cannot wait for it. I know you all will be praying for me tomorrow and I find such great solace in that. Thank you for traveling this 39 week journey with me.You were there in my two week wait...there when I got the positive test result...there when I got sick...there when I went into pre-term labor...there to encourage and uplift me around every turn. You had better believe that you will be there with me tomorrow or the next day as I introduce you all to my new little baby boy. Thank you friends. Until the other side of tomorrow...love to you all!
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