So the Nausea is Back
Last night, after just talking with Jonathan about how much better my pregnancy sickness had finally been getting, I puked. Ironic, huh. I am so sick of this. Seriuosly, just done. I H-A-T-E to throw up and I just want this pregnancy to end and the baby to be born and for all of this to be just a distant memory. I had taken my nausea medication maybe 5 minutes before I threw up...so today I am not feeling the greatest, but I don't know how much, if any, or all of the meds that I threw up, so I don't know if I should take more. I took some B-6 in the middle of the night, but I am just at a loss as to what to do with today and what meds to take when. All of the other times I was able to control myself after taking the meds...as in, will the contents of my stomach to stay inside until the meds took the edge off the nausea. I tried this time, so hard...but I just could not win. There is no rhyme or reason to pregnancy sickness. There is no understanding it, no working with it, it simply is...it simply takes over your life and for nine months makes you wish you could go into a coma until the baby is out of your body. Or at least that is how I feel.
I am in training to be a counselor. I know that feelings should not be allowed to control moods and actions, but this coupled with a few other current life issues is just about more than I can handle. Call it the straw that broke the camel's back if you will. The cherry on my sundae. I cannot imagine going through chemo or enduring constant nausea with no end in sight. If I didn't know that this would end the moment the baby was out...well, I just really cannot imagine. Hats off to those that have to endure constant nausea with no end in sight. You are stronger than I feel I could ever be.
Just yesterday afternoon I was crying to Jonathan, as in tears flowing down my face, about how much I yearn to feel normal again. I know I am at the end and only have a few weeks to go. But here are a few things I cannot wait for: hearing out of my left ear (something extremely odd that happens to me when I am pregnant...left ear echos every time I talk, so I hate talking and breathing bc I can hear both through my ear), feeling normal again (I can't really describe this aside from I feel as though I function on 60-80% capacity every day), not battling puke every evening, not being so tired every day, not having my tail bone feel like it is going to separate from my body if I step wrong, sleeping without having to turn on different hips bc my legs ache so badly from the extra 20 pounds sitting on them, being able to taste food again. How is that for a list of complaints. Boy am I going to regret this post in an hour...
Happy thoughts...the nursury is painted. The room is empty and awaiting the crib and glider which I have yet to put together and will probably wait a few more weeks to do. Wednesday I am going shopping with my mom...the first time I am really buying things for this baby. Hopefully that will help...maybe a full room will make these next weeks pass quicker and maybe get him out around 37 weeks...when it would be safe for him, and make me a tad more sane than I feel right now. Maybe a shower would make me feel a little more human...guess I will do that.
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