I am having a difficult time collecting my thoughts enough to actually post these days...on top of trying to finish my class and Jon working a lot of extra hours in the past few weeks...and, well...you know how it goes...priorities! So here is my attempt at a semi-coherent post.
I am reading this book entitled "That is My Son." I haven't had time to read a pleasure book (yes, anything non-school related is considered pleasurable at this point in my life) in months, maybe even a year, so I was excited to finally start reading the pile of books I have amassed in the past twelve months. Anyway, I really like this book because it is a pretty easy read, and yet it is very informative and interesting. I knew most of what he has talked about, but I love his concrete examples! I have read Bringing up Boys by Dobson as well. That one is good also...just in a different way. Anyway...so we all know boys are different than girls and since I have been given TWO boys, I thought I should get a little more information on how to help launch them into manhood. Landon really seems to be growing up these days, and I want to be the mom that he needs me to be for the next fifteen year process of teaching him how to become a man. I am so thankful that I have a spouse who takes his fathering role seriously and will do a ton of the work entailed in this process...but according to this author (and I agree!), a mom has a lot of responsibility as well.
But today I am kind of wondering what God was thinking when he gave me boys...I don't know what in the heck I am doing. But I suppose it will be just like it has been...with each new phase I will learn and adapt and grow...a process that will hopefully bring us closer together. When I got pregnant with Landon I had absolutely no clue about boys (I have five sisters and one brother...just in case you are wondering...there are steps, halfs and one real sibling in there somewhere). But I became very well-versed and easily submerged in the world of Tonka Trucks and trains. Anyway, I just want to do this job right...you know...Mary Poppins "practically perfect in every way." Lately, I haven't been so perfect with Landon. I have lost my temper, I have caught myself on that tiny little precipice of saying things to him that I know I should not say...immature, hurtful things that would most certainly hurt a little heart like his. I always thought I was a patient person, but parenting has taught me that I am not nearly as patient as I once thought. I am a perfectionist, and I cannot do a perfect job at parenting...nor can I produce perfect children. This is all an exercise in grace for me. But lately, I just haven't felt like a top-notch mom. And I feel like Landon's attitude stinks...I feel like he is greedy and oh-so selfish and I could go on and on. And yet, to some degree, I think some of this is just age-related. What 4 year old isn't selfish. What four year old has a firm grasp on giving to others and putting other's needs above our own. So maybe this is all about me putting my perfectionism on him...for the hundredth time. You know...I want the perfect kid who has the picture perfect attitude and reacts perfectly in every situation, etc. It isn't possible nor is it realistic, and I know that. I just want to do the job that God has given me well, but I feel that I am struggling on multiple levels. One of those being trusting the Lord for the ultimate condition of my children's heart.
Landon was helping me to fold laundry last night. He said that my mom's friend taught him when he was with her awhile ago. He did really well and he really enjoyed helping me. He said, "I really like helping you mom, because you do so many nice things for me." See, he is a good kid...I just so want his heart to be beautiful and I am so afraid that out of laziness or lack of knowledge or some personal fault of my own, I am gonna mess up the most beautiful gift God has even me...my children. Parenting is a difficult job...and I am learning that it only gets more so as time passes.
On a much lighter topic, Landon had school pictures on Tuesday so I tried to spike his hair on top. The kid has super healthy hair, so it won't easily spike...and I cut off the curls awhile back. So...the only way I could get it to stand up was to make a slight mohawk in the middle (for the record...I am not a huge fan of real mohawks on children...or adults for that matter). Slight bc he still had a lot of hair on the sides and the front was still down, but the middle was (sort of) slicked together. In my unbiased opinion, he looked super cute...and for the first time EVER, my child liked his hair. Landon HATES having anything done to his hair, and it is always a battle. But this time, he loved it. After school I picked him up and he looked in the mirror and exclaimed that he still had his mohawk. Then he asked me if God was in his mohawk reinforcing and protecting it (he actually used those words). We have been talking about how God is everywhere, and so I guess it was just natural for him to assume God was in his hair too. I guess it got him thinking that God is into the details 
And finally...and I know this was a long and all over the place blog...you may be wondering what those three boys (I watch the little guy on the right on Wednesdays...and Landon's outfit is my next post) are looking so intently out of the window at. Surprise Surprise...the garbage truck. Yep, all the hype was the garbage man. Ah boys...
And here is a video of my boys being boys (in our basement which is also a guest room and an office and a playroom..you get the point...excuse the mess 
). Landon was this horse for Halloween when he was 3. It is way too small for him now, but he still loves to put it on his head and play the music. I think Noah loves it too. In fact right after I stopped taking the video he fell flat on his face from dizzyness, only to get back up and dance some more (round and round and round) until he literally could not stand. Oh how I love these boys of mine.
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