A New Kind of Strength
So I took a little Xanga absence. I needed a break...to just focus on relaxing a bit. It helped that I was miserably sick last week...terrible sore throat, aches, chills, and a grand finale of laryngitis. Oh yeah...and Landon had pink eye and an ear infection, and somewhere in there Noah ran a fever. Oh yes...and a lovely Thanksgiving, a trip to the tree farm to cut our Christmas tree down, a night of decorating, and lots of family time.
I also had a night of shopping with a friend and another friend and her new little baby girl have come over twice now. The boys love that little baby...Noah brought her his toys and "showed her nice" by rubbing her belly or her hand or the top of her head. Landon just wanted to hold her...a lot.
But other things are on my mind today aside from the busyness that I had wanted to escape, but couldn't. Something much more inspiring. Someone very, very dear to me is experiencing a tragedy right now. Someone that they tried so hard and so long for, had for a very short time, and lost in the blink of an eye. This person and I go way, way back...to infancy really. In preschool, she held my hand and walked me into the world of school. She was my comfort and my strength, as a 4 year old child. As we grew and especially as life dealt them blow after blow, I somehow started to feel like I had to protect her. I prayed away this particular tragedy way before it was even a possibility, because after all that they have been through I just didn't think that she could handle this. I didn't think she would make it. But I was wrong. Beautifully and sweetly wrong.
Which brings me to a new definition of strength. I have a front row seat to strength being displayed in front of my very eyes. Strength is the courage to say I am hurting so badly right now. It is the ability to grieve and cry and scream for your loss. But it is also the tenacity to open your eyes, to force yourself through the actions of each day, desperately waiting for the moment when you won't think about the loss, when the weight won't be quite so heavy. It is the selflessness to care about others, to smile again, to laugh again, to claim one moment as your own. I am truly in awe of what I have experienced through this woman. She is stronger than I am, way stronger. She is full of grace and hope and is not allowing fear to take its foothold. She questions and wonders and at times gets a bit angry, but underneath it all is a foundation of faith so strong that it cannot be shaken. Two days ago she took a long fall from the top of Mount Jubilation to the Depths of Loss, but today she is gathering herself, grieving the loss and hoping for the future. And she is beautiful and full of grace. And I love her for it.
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