This weekend was a real whirlwind of activities and emotions. We had planned on going down to my mom's late Sat morning, because we had a wedding to attend that evening and I had an open house event (Sunday afternoon) at the residential facility I am going to be working at come December. But...the kids had colds and Jon didn't really want to be away all weekend as he had stuff to do here, so I went down Sat night and went to the weddings while Jon stayed home with the kids. It was actually kinda fun because I went home and rode with my parents to the weddings, partied (in true Gilson fashion which means laughing, a few dance moves...even got my mom out there once and lots of good food) with them all night and realized in the midst of it all that it was just like old times...rewind 10 years before a husband and children. Brenn was there and I was there and mom and Ernie. We had such a fun time together. I love my parents. They are a blast. And I got to stay out a lot later knowing the kids were home all cozy in their beds. And Jon didn't even mind bc he got to work on his own thing most of the day. So it was all good all around.
Sunday we went back down to my parents to drop the kids so Jon and I could go to the open house event. I was a bit nervous as I was going to be meeting everyone I will be working for as well as the residents. Currently there are four women there. Everyone I spoke to said the exact same thing, " This is going to be a great experience for you." Something about the way they said it makes me a tad anxious. I start there on Wednesday December 17. The whole thing has me doing circles around my mind. For the past five years I have been a stay-at-home mom and I have loved it. I am still only going to be working two days a week, but I can already begin to feel the ripple effects of that. I sense some transition for all of us and while I am excited and eager, I am also a tad unsure and on-edge. We now have to discuss things like, who stays home if the kids are sick? And I now have to buy a clothing item other than jeans. I am working for people once again, whereas for the past five years I have run my own household (well, obviously with Jon as the head...but I am mainly in control of the kids...whatever, you know what I mean). I don't have a problem with authority and I am not worried about working for people again, but yesterday was a jolt back into reality as they requested I come in and shadow a few days before I begin and then sort of laid the pressure of work on. I can't really explain it. I just forgot what it was like.
So I am excited and I am anxious. I am about to scale the fence between work and family. I have gone over and over and over about the debate of SAHM versus working woman. I am secure and confident enough to say that I believe it is a choice every family makes for themselves, and what works best for them. I know a few SAHM that are so tuned OUT of their kids lives that they may as well work 80 hours a week. For me I have felt this call upon my life. I have been reassured of it over and over. I have nearly quit grad school twice and both times God affirmed very clearly for me that He wants me to continue in this. So I did and I am. I am not sure what He has for me in all of this. But I have a feeling that I am just about to get a small taste. I may not love this part or I may fall in love with it. Either way, I know this is a step that is necessary to get me to wherever it is that God is calling me to. I love it when He supplies that kind of personal touch to our lives that gives us full confidence in a major decision such as this. I know I am in for surprises and ups and downs. But I know that there is purpose in this and I am eager to discover what that is.
And thanks so much for your encouragement on the mountain I am climbing. If you want to pray specifically...next Sat is the day that I will actually scale the mountain. Right now I am just preparing for the climb. You all are so encouraging and I have told you a million times how thankful I am for you...but I will say it again. You all sort of traveled my grad school journey with me. You listened to me complain about assignments and you prayed me through tough times. You encouraged me on in my pursuit and you stood by me and lifted me up when I was doubting. It feels good knowing you will all be there for this next phase too. While I am confident in God's leading, it is a little scary to leave the comfort and security of my home. So it feels cozy knowing you all will travel with me...so to speak.
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