My posts have been up up up lately. And so have I. But so as not to leave you with a false impression...I am struggling to regain my emotional footing right now. I am down...and I can't even put into words all of the reasons why. So I won't even try. It is just little old me going over all the reasons in my head why life isn't what I currently want it to be and why I don't and/or can't have something that so many others can. One big pity party. I am trying to wade my way out, but I really feel mired in negative thoughts and too weak to get out of it.
We leave for Florida in two weeks. I can't believe that. I am so excited to see my sisters again (and my niece...and meet my nephew)! But between now and then I have so much going on. I have two projects and two tests left in this class (which ends the week I am in Florida..so I am trying to finish it before I leave). I am also dumb enough to do a garage sale a few days before we leave. I would like to earn some extra money for the trip...and we have a lot of junk to get rid of. Then throw in there a few get togethers (a neighborhood party next weekend, in-laws this weekend, and friends next weekend)...and I feel a little overwhelmed. But this has happened so many times in my life and it all always works out...it always does.
I have had the baby bug lately. I was not wanting a baby at all until about a week ago when I got hit hard. But this time will most likely be the last child we have and the stakes are higher. And this is just not the time. I have my internship coming up and I want to be done with school so I can adequately enjoy my next child. So no babies for us...not yet. In fact, we have awhile to wait.
I heard a radio broadcast last night in which the speaker was very clearly blasting any woman who chooses to work while she is a mother. In fact, he likened it to dropping what we have (our children) in an effort to chase after illusions (of riches, etc). I am a stay-at-home mom by choice. I have been for almost 5 years. But soon I will be working a few days a week. I do not feel that this is dishonoring to God or to my children. In fact, I think we will all be the better for it. I have no grandiose dreams of riches (a counselor's salary is not very high...at all, just ask my husband and he will tell you all about how wrong it is that we have to pay so much for our degree only to make so little in the end). I am moving forward with this because I feel called to do so. I feel that I have a gift to share and I want to share it. My children will always be way more important to me than my career, and they will always know that. The radio speaker was using Proverbs 31 as proof against working outside of the home. I say...the woman sold stuff at the market...she bought fields...she was super woman. And she didn't do it all with 6 kids in tow. Or maybe she did. Whatever. I am not going to get into the niddy gritty of working full time vs. being a stay at home mom. I think every situation is unique and so is every family. For us, me staying home has worked and I am thankful for the opportunities that I have had. I just didn't like the box that speaker was forcing working women into last night. I didn't like it at all. I don't think that being a stay at home mom is mandated by Scripture like not lying or being faithful to your spouse is. I think that if it is possible, it is probably best...but so many factors have to be weighed into that decision. So ultimately, I think that God is graceful and that if we seek Him and seek to raise our children in the best environment possible..He will bless that.
The end.
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