Discombobulated 4-08

Boy is this post ever going to be discombobulated. My thoughts are everywhere...and no where.

The other day Landon and I were cleaning out the car and he was just having the best attitude about everything. I was complimenting him on it and he asked me if I would like for his attitude to always be that good. I obviously replied that yes, I would love for that to happen. To which he replied, "Well, Mom, it will be...someday!" Aren't we all so like that!?!?!?!

Faithchick blogged about something today that I had been meaning to blog about and just kept forgetting. Thanks for reminding me, friend! Ok, so since the day that Noah has been born people have commented on his beautiful personality, ready smile, easyness, etc. As this went on I came to realize the stark contrast that was to how people talked about and seemed to view my firstborn. Then it hit me, since Noah was born I had been raving about his personality. With Landon, I tended to focus more on how difficult he was to feed, get to sleep, etc. He was a shy child and a tad more temperamental, but I think that by my sharing that with everyone, they just came to expect that his personality wasn't that stellar...but then along came Noah and because I set him up to be wonder child, people came to view him this way. I am speaking more in terms of family and friends here, in my actual life more so than you xanga friends . Even just the other weekend at a big family get together one of my aunts that I never see came up to me and said with shock that Landon actually talked to her...and was really witty and funny and entertaining. As though she never would have expected it of him. Some of this was his personality. He was a quiet child...not so much anymore. He has grown up a lot and become much more social. However, some of it, I think was what I set people up to think of him. Excuses I made for him when he wasn't acting how I wished he would, etc. The opposite happened with Noah. I had one friend who hadn't seen him in quite some time and who reads my xanga tell me when saw Noah (on kind of an off day) that he wasn't as smiley as she expected. She was right...he wasn't. But clearly I had painted such a happy picture of him...that was what she expected. My point here is that I think what we say about our children definitely impact the way people view them. Not that that should matter. I am so trying to get over what people do and do not think of my children. But still. I feel like I may have done a disservice to child number one in my ignorance. Ask me now...for real...Landon is a happy, talkative, well-behaved, practically perfect in every way child . Ask me a year ago...he was a child from the underworld I don't know quite what I am trying to say. I think we need to be honest about our children's shortcomings, and certainly reach out and ask for advice, prayer and encouragement. I know that numerous times in the past I have voiced concerns over Landon's behavior and where it was all going. You were invaluable to me. So I am not really speaking about xanga...but more about family/friends who live within seeing distance but aren't around all of the time. I don't want to paint my children in a way that I don't intend. I did it once, and I won't again. I feel like Landon is fighting to be understood and accepted by people who should just love him anyway...just for existing...because of the picture that I painted of him. And Noah...well, that kid has a lot to live up to considering the way I have spoke of him .

I am meeting with my internship director tonight. I cannot tell you how excited I am getting to move away from the academic pressure of graduate school and to become an intern. Two more classes. Two more. I finish this one next week and then only two more. The hardest class of the program starts on the 12th of May and ends July 5. After that I have a super easy class and then I am done (well, one more intensive too). Praise the Lord. If I can make it until July, I will basically be done. That will be a happy, happy day.

We have been so so busy and the next week looks just as insane. Even more so, actually. That is ok. I recently came up with my reasoning for why I chose to enter the somewhat controversial (at least in the Christian community) field of counseling. I will have to post it soon for you all.

My little sister is moving in with us for a month. She is taking May term at her college (which is near here). It will be fun to have her under my roof. Another hand with the kids, another girl in the house to paint toenails with or talk about girlish things with, another hand with the kids She moves on Thursday I think. Landon is super excited...and so am I!

I bought some pottery barn roman shades for Noah's room for $5 a piece off of ebay this weekend. They are brand new. They are not the color I really wanted, but they will match his room just fine...and they are lined with blackout material which will, hopefully, make for later mornings and longer afternoon naps.

I told ya this was gonna be all over the place. Thanks for bearing with me. Hopefully I can have a little more substance next post...but today my mind is everywhere and no where.