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I went to the homecoming game at my old high school Saturday night. I went with a few girl friends from high school and Jonathan graciously stayed home with the kids, so I was a free woman. I had a wonderful time all around, but as I sat there on the bleachers and watched first the girls varsity basketball game and then the boys, I couldn't help but remember what it felt like to be a teen. As I sat there, I got lost in the memories of playing basketball and softball and all of the memories that came with that. And then, for some reason, I got to thinking about home. About how after these games my dad would take me home (my mom worked nights and my dad never missed not even one game...ever) and I would be so relaxed. No real worries (aside from the drama of high school), no other people begging for my time or attention...my time was completely my own. I could go to bed at night and read for as long as I wanted, knowing that no one would wake me in the night and in the morning (if it was a Saturday) I could sleep until I wanted to get up. And as I remembered that, I longed to get in my car and go home. To my parents...to be taken care of...to let down completely and be responsible for no one aside from myself. To not worry about who ate what and when, who pooped today, who needs a nap, and if all the little toys are off of the carpet so the baby doesn't choke on the big boy's toys. It is so crazy to me, that I am the one who now provides all of that for my children. I am home for them, I am comfort. They are completely relaxed and responsible for no one aside from themselves. The past ten years have gone so fast that sometimes I just forget how I got from there to here...from being home to providing home.

I am relaxed in my own home now. But it is different. My mind is always racing, and there is always so much to be done. There is rarely quiet, and even less time that I can claim as truly my own. It is not something I am complaining about. I know this is a season of life and it to will blink by just as quickly as the last ten years did. I am just saying...life is different. And I can guarantee you that in ten years, I will feel just as nostalgic about this season of my life as I currently do about the last season. Life just seems to happen like that.

I feel as though life is already changing from what I have known since becoming a mom. Landon has matured leaps and bounds in the last few months. Parenting him is beginning to take on a much different feel, and I like it. There is still the usual discipline, but not nearly as much. Instead we can talk, and joke and laugh together. We can play board games together and many times a day I can stand back and watch him play by himself, using his imagination that is just exploding. Numerous times this weekend I could not help but think to myself as I watched him just how much he has grown up...and how far we have come in four short years.

And Noah, well, no longer is he my sweet little tiny baby. He is my explorer and adventurer. He climbs over and into and around anything and everything. He tries to imitate Landon vocally and tonight he made Landon's train move with the remote, and I kid you not, his little face lit up with pride and amazement. It was beautiful...really. Before my very eyes, he too is growing into a boy. He still has a ways to go, but he is on his way. So the moments I get with him where he is still in my arms, asleep on my shoulder, are cherished. I drink in his smell and the feel of his still small head on my shoulder. I love the sound of his little breaths as he sleeps. Time marches on so quickly, and I know that, so every opportunity I get to cherish him as my baby, I do, because I know that all too soon he will be my toddler and then my boy...and one day a man.

This post is all over the place, but clearly my heart is full tonight. Alas, however, I am not a teenager and I will be woken up in the morning before I am ready. So off to bed I go, thankful for my two boys asleep down the hall. Thankful for wonderful parents who made me feel safe and secure and who taught me what home is meant to be. Thankful that for now, I have an opportunity to do the same for those who have been granted to my care. Good night friends.