Left Wondering
Things happen in life. Happy things. Sad things. Tragic things. Exciting things. These are the events of life that make it what it is. But sometimes something happens and you are left with empty hands and the swirling questions of why. God is sovereign and His ways are higher than our own. Translating that knowledge into a tangible covering of grace and peace is something I have yet to master. I can't really share any more than that. It is not me though...I am fine. But it is someone I love dearly...someone whom I wish I could take this pain from and make it my own. I deserve this pain a lot more than she does.
The questions of why sad, terrible things happen to wonderful God-loving, God-serving people whose desires are pure and earnest. I can't help but feel guilty. I just never wanted this particular pain for her...and I wish so badly that I could take it as my own and place in her arms, the desires of their hearts. I feel a tiny fracture of her pain and from different experiences in my own life I know the depth of what she is feeling and it is the kind of pain that cuts to the gut. The kind of pain that hits you like a wrecking ball the moment you open your eyes and reality sets in. The journey has been one of failure and sadness and for a moment, a blink of an eye, jubilation and celebration. But today, way too soon, that too ended in a heap of ashes. The fall from the top is a steep one...and I just didn't want this for her.
We serve a God of comfort who gives grace in the moment that I can't understand. I am praying that grace on her right now, but I am still left wondering...grieving...wishing so badly that this just didn't happen.
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