I feel like it was just yesterday that I was blogging about the cicadas returning and bringing with them the typical end of summer feeling and sounds. Now here I am again...windows wide open, and the cicadas chirping loudly. There is a distinct end of summer feeling surrounding my home. I just cannot get my mind around how fast time seems to be passing by.
See this picture. My neighbor made this sign for Noah when he was born and she left it taped to my front door. I moved it to his door sometime during the first week of his life and since then it has remained there. I think it is time to take it down, but doing so feels as though I am admitting that he is no longer a baby. I have been meaning to take it down for months...and months...and months, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I don't particularly love change. But it happens...all of the time. My kids are ever changing and so is my life. I think I have gotten more used to it, but I cling to stages and smells and memories a little tighter...trying to squeeze them for all that they are worth. But I think I have clung to this sign long enough. Noah seems to have grown up three months for the one week that we were gone. All of my neighbors have commented on how tall he got while he was gone, and it was enough that even I noticed it. Not only that...but he is doing toddler things now...like brushing his teeth. It is currently his favorite activity. Where is Noah? Can't find him? Go look in the bathroom, he will be there standing on the stool, tooth brush in hand, water on. He has also gotten the concept of yes and no. I can watch him cognitively process whether or not he is going to obey me. I can tell him to go find something and he will go in search of that specific object. He is just not my baby anymore. I have to embrace the changes. I love. absolutely adore, the little boy that he is becoming...I just am sad to leave my baby behind to my memories.
I read a blog the other day about how this woman views the world in snapshots. I do that. I had never heard anyone ever say that before, so I really connected with her on this.
I peak around the corner as my boys are playing and laughing together. Talking as only they understand one another. Snap.
I held Landon like a baby for a moment on our vacation as he and I were waiting for a rain storm to pass so that we could go back in the pool. I looked into his eyes, so different and yet so the same as the eyes I first met on October 28, 2003. Snap
When I was pregnant with Landon I threw up so much. Everytime that Jon was home, he would come into the bathroom with me and sit next to me while I wretched. I would cry and ask him over and over when it would be over and when I would stop being so sick. He was my support, the only one who understood (snap)
The moment Jon and I walked down the aisle as man and wife. There was a crescendo of music and my life began (snap)
So many moments. Nearly every day something happens that I try to take a mental picture of. I just don't want to miss these days and time is passing so quickly. I know that school is weeks away and that this year is full of change for my family. I look to embrace it, and to let go of my clutch on the present. I have some growing to do, friends. I am in need of spiritual refreshment in a huge way. Please pray for me as you think of it. I am hoping that as the summer quickly turns into the fall, and as I take down my sign and watch my baby turn into a little boy and my first born go off to preschool that I can stabalize myself in hands of the One who never changes.
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